The Invisible Hand of Big Ben

Most Pierre Page readers are astute, thoughtful and well-read. Hence, being followers of the Pierre Page in the first place. Our crack journalistic staff has garnered countless Peabody and Pulitzer awards for its journalistic integrity in the field of journalism. Articles uncovering the "Centennial High School Girls Softball Team Sex Scandal" and the "PGA/Dockers Relaxed Fit Pay for Pleats" scandal most notably come to mind when the subject of uncompromising sports journalism is discussed. The bottom line is that the Pierre Page is not afraid to write about the stories that other sports media outlets are afraid to cover. That is why our readers will be the first to be privy to the fact that the proverbial dark tunnel of our nation's recession has a veritable light at the end of its tunnel:



Barack Obama? Tim Geithner? Larry Summers? Um no. Perhaps new GM CEO Fritz Henderson? Or maybe even upstart New York Times Economics Columnist and recent Nobel Prizer winner Paul Krugman? Again, you would be entering the wrong unemployment line on that one. No, according to the new media blitz by those at General Motors, their car corporation, and consequently the American automobile industry and the entire American economy, are going to be saved by the rocket arm and poise in the pocket of Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger.

Now before, you start sympathizing with "Big Ben" as many of his fans have started to affectionately call him, for having, perhaps too much responsibility on his shoulders for the United States' and the rest of the world's economic recession solutions, keep in mind a couple of facts. First, Mr. Roethlisberger has a degree from the Miami University of Ohio in Physical Education. Clearly the man will be able to grasp the intricacies of macro-economic policy due to his assuredly well-rounded education wherein learning the officiating of dodgeball matches was held in the highest esteem. Second, and perhaps most important, he is not taking on this mission alone. For Ben has enlisted the help of Ryan Howard, Cole Hamel and the rest of the World Champion Philadelphia Phillies. Their ability to hogpile after winning sports championships combined with Mr. Roethlisberger's ability to throw frozen ropes in the "Big Game" should be more than enough to carry General Motors, the United States Banking System and the rest of the global economy to prosperity and growth.

So while ESPN, Fox Sports and Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel have all led the public to follow such red herrings as steroids in baseball, the Michael Vick dog fighting fiasco and the Brian Cardinal sex tape scandal. We here at the Pierre Page are at the vanguard of truth, keeping you informed with the stories that truly shape your lives.

In solidarity,
The Pierre Page editorial staff