ESPN headline "Looks aren't everything." Mine "Van Gundy's a slob and his team's as mature as his shirt looks after a meal at old country buffet"

Listen. It's not news that Stan Van Gundy is the most 9-5 looking, blue-plate special eating air-conditioner salesman in the NBA. Nor is the fact that he looks nearly identical to Ron Jeremy going to interrupt any regularly scheduled programming.

But just for shits and giggles and because this man and the more talented Orlando Magic just defeated Doc Rivers and the defending champion Boston Celtics in a game 7 in Boston after pathetically self-imploding in a Jerry Springer-esque press circus, I want you to pull your sister aside or any one of your friends who'd think that Bob Cousy is the name of their Rascal Flatts can-koozie they clung to at last year's WEFest and show them this picture with the following multiple choice question:

What does this man do for a living?

A. A hall monitor at The Home of the Presbyterian Brothers for Chaste Living
B. Unemployed, abusive step-dad
C. A professional basketball coach
D. A sex offender
E. Eastern European culture and history buff

If they guess basketball coach it is only because they can sense irony just by looking at him. Stan the Man is a Williamsburgers wet dream. See a red plaid shirt around the waist of tight black skinny jeans and a retro Stan Van Gundy bobble head shirt on the members of the next it band. Wolf-something or ghost-something. Stan Van Gundy and the Ghost Wolves.

As a fan of things that are easy-on-the-eyes, I am tired of our good friends Jeff and Stan Van Gundy who keep reminding us, a win is a win is a win, ugly or not. It is contagious. See Stephon Marbury (whose major contributions to the series were 3-4 acrobactic turnovers per game), Rajon Rondo, Paul Pierce and the rest of the hesitant, where-the-fuck-is-Ray-Allen game 7 Boston Celtics of 2009.

Though I do have to give credit where credit is due. Name one other coach in NBA history who has made his team play and act like a hologram of himself a la Wolf Blitzer and Will.I.AM. Let's not even get into Hedo Turkoglu, Dwight Howard's pre-game PR spots, pizza and JJ "Good-times" Redick. He's just such a fun guy, Dyn-o-mite!