A little birdie has just landed on my windowsill and told me that the Minnesota Vikings, still reeling from their failed attempt to woo Brett Favre out of re-re-retirement, have checked down to their next option, signing Favre's backup at Oak Grove (Hattiesburg), Mississippi High School's quarterback, John Mark Weldy.
From Vikings head coach Brad Childress: "After assessing our team's needs, and failing to get a future Hall-of-Famer, I looked at our quarterback situation, realized I was fucked if I stayed with these two slappies, and went with the next best thing: that future Hall-of-Famer's backup."
The team had no comment on whether it was still content that it didn't more ardently pursue Jay Cutler, now the division rival Chicago Bears' starting signal-caller.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Rubio Overhyped?
This from Sid Hartman's column today in the Star Tribune: according to NBA agent Bill Duffy, one of the elder statesman of Minnesota sports' "close personal friends," Timberwolves draft pick/Spanish amoroso Ricky Rubio is "overhyped". (A sentiment echoed in the article by the finally former T-Wolves GM/coach/object of Glen Taylor's infatuation, Kevin McHale.)Breathe deeply, bring yourselves back from the ledge, Wolves fans. While those of you who have followed the untimely demise of the Timberwolves over the past, say, 20 years may be quick to disregard anything K-Mac has to say about evaluating talent (the man let Chauncey Billups go while inking Troy Hudson and Marko Jaric to laughably large deals!), this insinuation from Duffy may carry a bit more weight. He's the guy who represents Steve Nash, after all.
If you read on, you find this nugget:
"To be honest with you, the other kid, Brandon Jennings, who played in Italy, ranked higher," said Duffy, referring to his client, a point guard who was picked 10th by Milwaukee. "I had three other first-round point guards, but I didn't have [Rubio] ranked that high. I think he is pretty good, but I think he might be a little hyped up."
That's the angle here: Duffy represents Jennings, and he had his client ranked higher! Stop the fucking presses! You wanted your client drafted higher, so he (and by extension, you) could get more money?
Tomorrow's breaking news from Sid: Drew Rosenhaus thinks Terrell Owens may be the best wide receiver in the NFL (or is at least tied with Plaxico Burress); Scott Boras thinks Manny Ramirez is the best baseball player of all time; Ari Gold thinks Vincent Chase should win an Oscar.
Thanks for wasting my time, Sid.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
The Invisible Hand of Big Ben
Most Pierre Page readers are astute, thoughtful and well-read. Hence, being followers of the Pierre Page in the first place. Our crack journalistic staff has garnered countless Peabody and Pulitzer awards for its journalistic integrity in the field of journalism. Articles uncovering the "Centennial High School Girls Softball Team Sex Scandal" and the "PGA/Dockers Relaxed Fit Pay for Pleats" scandal most notably come to mind when the subject of uncompromising sports journalism is discussed. The bottom line is that the Pierre Page is not afraid to write about the stories that other sports media outlets are afraid to cover. That is why our readers will be the first to be privy to the fact that the proverbial dark tunnel of our nation's recession has a veritable light at the end of its tunnel:
Barack Obama? Tim Geithner? Larry Summers? Um no. Perhaps new GM CEO Fritz Henderson? Or maybe even upstart New York Times Economics Columnist and recent Nobel Prizer winner Paul Krugman? Again, you would be entering the wrong unemployment line on that one. No, according to the new media blitz by those at General Motors, their car corporation, and consequently the American automobile industry and the entire American economy, are going to be saved by the rocket arm and poise in the pocket of Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger.
Now before, you start sympathizing with "Big Ben" as many of his fans have started to affectionately call him, for having, perhaps too much responsibility on his shoulders for the United States' and the rest of the world's economic recession solutions, keep in mind a couple of facts. First, Mr. Roethlisberger has a degree from the Miami University of Ohio in Physical Education. Clearly the man will be able to grasp the intricacies of macro-economic policy due to his assuredly well-rounded education wherein learning the officiating of dodgeball matches was held in the highest esteem. Second, and perhaps most important, he is not taking on this mission alone. For Ben has enlisted the help of Ryan Howard, Cole Hamel and the rest of the World Champion Philadelphia Phillies. Their ability to hogpile after winning sports championships combined with Mr. Roethlisberger's ability to throw frozen ropes in the "Big Game" should be more than enough to carry General Motors, the United States Banking System and the rest of the global economy to prosperity and growth.
So while ESPN, Fox Sports and Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel have all led the public to follow such red herrings as steroids in baseball, the Michael Vick dog fighting fiasco and the Brian Cardinal sex tape scandal. We here at the Pierre Page are at the vanguard of truth, keeping you informed with the stories that truly shape your lives.
In solidarity,
The Pierre Page editorial staff
Barack Obama? Tim Geithner? Larry Summers? Um no. Perhaps new GM CEO Fritz Henderson? Or maybe even upstart New York Times Economics Columnist and recent Nobel Prizer winner Paul Krugman? Again, you would be entering the wrong unemployment line on that one. No, according to the new media blitz by those at General Motors, their car corporation, and consequently the American automobile industry and the entire American economy, are going to be saved by the rocket arm and poise in the pocket of Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger.
Now before, you start sympathizing with "Big Ben" as many of his fans have started to affectionately call him, for having, perhaps too much responsibility on his shoulders for the United States' and the rest of the world's economic recession solutions, keep in mind a couple of facts. First, Mr. Roethlisberger has a degree from the Miami University of Ohio in Physical Education. Clearly the man will be able to grasp the intricacies of macro-economic policy due to his assuredly well-rounded education wherein learning the officiating of dodgeball matches was held in the highest esteem. Second, and perhaps most important, he is not taking on this mission alone. For Ben has enlisted the help of Ryan Howard, Cole Hamel and the rest of the World Champion Philadelphia Phillies. Their ability to hogpile after winning sports championships combined with Mr. Roethlisberger's ability to throw frozen ropes in the "Big Game" should be more than enough to carry General Motors, the United States Banking System and the rest of the global economy to prosperity and growth.
So while ESPN, Fox Sports and Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel have all led the public to follow such red herrings as steroids in baseball, the Michael Vick dog fighting fiasco and the Brian Cardinal sex tape scandal. We here at the Pierre Page are at the vanguard of truth, keeping you informed with the stories that truly shape your lives.
In solidarity,
The Pierre Page editorial staff
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