Rubio!

Holy balls holy balls holy balls.

So it has been announced that Spanish point guard wunderkind-turned-prematurely declared NBA draft bust Ricky Rubio will join the Minnesota Timberwolves starting next season. It has been interesting to watch the perception of Ricky Rubio change since the run-up to the 2009 draft. He has gone from being a can't-miss, once-in-a-lifetime PG along the lines of a Steve Nash or Jason Kidd, to being a guy who will never cut it in the NBA. How does something like this happen before a 20-year-old ever plays in his first NBA game?

He can't be worse than Jonny Flynn, right? Right?

Tumult

So my friend Dave, who is an erstwhile contributor to the Page under the pseudonym Blog Reveiz, was born and raised in Cleveland until his family moved here while he was in elementary school. His dad is from Spain, and is one of the great soccer minds of the Twin Cities metro area. Hence, he is an unlikely melange of Timberwolves and Cavaliers fan, Indians and Browns fan, and Spanish soccer aficionado. (It is worth mentioning that his name is one letter away from David Villa's, the best player on the Spanish national team.) Thus, this was his past weekend.

Thursday, July 8, approximately 8:35 PM CDT: Heartbroken; Lebron James goes from being "The Chosen One" to "The Chosen One-Third" in Miami. May or may not have used his Lebron jersey to wipe his Paella-laden poopies from his behind.

Friday morning, July 9: Oddly optimistic; the Heat have to trade Michael Beasley to the Timberwolves in order to clear cap space to be able to sign, oh, 7 players.

Sunday, July 11, 3:30 CDT: Inebriatedly jubilant; the Spaniards along with his quasi-namesake claim the first World Cup title in their nation's history.

The lesson? As a Clevelandian-Minnesotan-Spanish-American, you win some, you lose most.

Fear the Rambis Shades!

So, Kurt Rambis is purported to be the next head coach of your Minnesota Timberwolves. The Pierre Page will pay at least $30 for a ticket for Rambis Rec Specs Night. Revenge of the Nerds, indeed. Kurt, your 2 and four Kings are not welcome here...you need some new cards.

I'm Glad I'm Not Mark Sanford

I know this is a sports blog, but if you're bored, and want an entertaining read, check out Columbia, SC newspaper The State's article detailing emails between Mark Sanford and his Argentinian mistress here. My favorite part is how he keeps on promising to send her the DVD of the shitty 2006 romantic comedy "The Holiday". Priceless.

The Pierre Page has learned that the 2009 NBA Draft will be taking place this very evening. We have also learned that our favorite never-rans, the Minnesota Timberwolves, have 1-2-3-4! first round draft picks after having dealt a couple of players to Flip Saunders' new team, the Washington Bullets. It almost seems like David Kahn is intent on getting back the draft picks his predecessor gave away post-Joe Smith scandal all at once.

So will the Timberwolves actually end up with four new guaranteed contracts on their team this upcoming season? My money is on "No", even with Glen Taylor's seemingly endless supply of Good Money thrown after Bad (see: Wally Szczczzerbiak, Terrell Brandon, Troy Hudson, Marko Jaric). As stated before, the Page has a distinct pro-Spaniard, pro-shaggy hair bias that leads us to believe that the best fit for this franchise is one Ricardo Rubio of Spain, Brandon Jennings' opinion notwithstanding. I think when this draft is looked back on in a few years, it will be unanimous that Rubio was the best player. Find a way to make it happen, Kahnsy.

The Pierre Page Guide to the NBA Draft Lottery

According to my sources, the NBA draft lottery takes place tomorrow, with the results being announced before Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals. The Kings, who finished with the worst record in the league, have a 25% chance of getting the first overall pick, which will most likely be Oklahoma C Blake Griffin. Our hometown Timberwolves have officially a 7.6% chance of getting the first, second, or third overall pick, but having been a Timberwolves fan for most of my life, I would lower the odds down to oh, about a 0.00% chance of landing one of the top 3 picks. Given the PP's pro-Spaniard, pro-shaggy haircut bias, we are all in favor of the Wolves getting the second pick, which would allow us to take supple young shag-haired Ricky Rubio. Alas, it will not be. In fact, here are several things more likely to happen than the Timberwolves having one of their ping-pong balls fall down that fated hopper:

1. Dick Cheney records a hip-hop album with Soulja Boy.
2. Yao Ming makes it through an important sequence of games without getting hurt.

3. Lou Dobbs is outed as having several wives, all of whom are either Chinese nationalists or illegal Mexican immigrants.

4. Brett Favre stays retired.

5. Brett Favre willingly attends mini-camps.
6. Seth McFarlane has an entire episode of Family Guy that doesn't rip off several jokes and its entire premise from The Simpsons.
7. Dinosaurs found living in Winnipeg.

So Wolves fans, line up now to get your Demar Derozan jerseys, because we all know that this team needs another swingman like it needs Christian Laettner as its next head coach.

The NBA, where David Stern holds grudges forever.